How to date after divorce regardless of how strong you think you are, going through a divorce is one experience that shakes you to your bone. It is almost like you are shoved into a cannon and shot into a deep well – the first problem you have to deal with before even thinking about how you will crawl out is the impact damage.
That being said, a divorce is just one of those things that happen after marriage, and most times we truly do not have control over how things play out. One minute you are in love with someone and the next minute you are out of love – this however shouldn’t be a surprise since we all know that love is a feeling and just like every other feeling it doesn’t last forever.
The big question now is how to go about dating after divorce, remember we are in a well with some physical, psychological, and emotional damage caused by the divorce, how do we first move to pass this damage that comes from impact because more often than not, they are not going to be easy to overlook.
After which you would have to crawl out of the well you were launched into and then begin the journey of giving your heart and happiness to another person. Before jumping in to know the rules for dating after divorce, there are important things we have to look at – one of them is when to start the dating process.
The truth is there is no general answer to this question, we cannot just put a time frame for you because you are the one in the well and the one who is feeling the pain, so how do we measure the time it will take for you to heal and climb out of the well.
Some people could make up their mind that they no longer want a marriage to work and go about dating immediately even before the divorce and it works for them. For some, they would have to wait till after the divorce is final and for others, it takes a whole lot of time to heal and start again. ultimately, we would say this; start dating after divorce when you are ready to start dating.
This should be number one when you are talking about rules for dating after divorce, it takes a lot to start all over again and if you are not ready before you begin, you might end up hurting yourself even more. So, when it comes to dating again after a divorce, you have to be ready from all angles.
How To Date After A Divorce – 10 Top Tips That Work
Now that we have established the when to start part of this story, it is important that we also know how to go about dating after divorce because more often than not the question google gets is how to start dating after a divorce.
There are things to do to make everything work and things not to do if you want everything to work. It becomes stress when the manual is too voluminous, so we made things short and summarize it all into 10 tips with do and don’t to follow if you are starting over after divorce at 40 or any age at all, they include;
1. Make Peace With Your Past
If we are going to even talk about dating after divorce, we have to start from yesterday because if you still have issues there, today can never be a stroll in the park. You have to first make sure there is no baggage following you after the divorce.
It doesn’t matter who wants this and what you type into your Google search, whether it is dating after divorce for a man or dating after divorce for a woman, the answer will always be the same for us, wait till the divorce is final before you go out to date again.
I know there is a high chance, you left this marriage emotionally long ago and you are ready for a new relationship but until you have fully left the marriage, physically and legally – dating seems more of a rush and for fun rather than what it is meant for which is courtship in hopes of something serious to come.
The other party will always feel like the second option because your separation with your partner is not complete and no one will give you all their heart if they feel like they are the second option to you.
Do some introspect also, make sure you were not the problem, see the mistakes you made and the ones your partner did that lead to the divorce and make this doesn’t repeat itself. It will be wrong for you to be back searching for tips on dating after divorce in the coming years because it is all happening again.
it is as simple as it sounds, heal – if you must start dating again after a divorce, you should be fair to the person you want to date. Carrying baggage from your failed relationship or marriage is not being fair to your soon-to-be partner so that should be trashed out before you say yes to anybody.
If you need some time to do so, do it – take some time out to feel everything and then heal from all the damage that has to have been caused on impact. You also have to be better for the sake of your next relationship as well as yourself, you must do so.
Look in the mirror and ask yourself what did I do wrong and how do I make sure these things do not happen again when I get into another relationship. When you find the loopholes and areas where you had issues with your ex-partner, it is only sensible that you work on yourself and make sure these issues are not the reason why your new partner also turns into an ex.
3. Be Ready To Start
If you are not then you shouldn’t even be reading this because doing so might trigger some people to want to start applying the tips and dating. Healing is a wonderful process but the truth is some things, we do not have what it takes to embark on this journey sometimes and this is why search for help is not a bad option.
Finding a therapist if you do not have one has become as easy as a click of a button and sometimes this is what you need to prepare yourself to start dating again. Leaving a marriage especially one that has been on for a long time is most times a lot to handle and most times you are left not knowing who you are again. you have to start learning about yourself and loving yourself all over again.
The time you need to remember who you were before the marriage and to love that person again would differ from person to person but this process must be complete; this is the healing from the damage you sustained during impact and without those wounds closed, you cannot successfully climb out of that well.
4. Patience Is A Virtue
Even when you are out of the well and ready to jump into the mix again, it is important to note that things will not happen overnight. There are moments of insecurity that will come after a divorce, so when you are about to start dating after divorce, it is important to take caution about how you go about things because you are vulnerable.
Little things might seem big because your body and soul seek validation that you are still worth loving, so what might not be will begin to seem like love and this is the easiest way to get yourself hurt after the first set of hurting which you may have not completely healed from.
Regardless of your gender, stay away from dating for a very long time is disastrous because just like time and trends things change so fast. You must understand that what you felt was a very good pickup line might sound like trash to the next person.
Even when you find somebody, you shouldn’t expect things to just go from hi to I love you, yes that is what we all want but it won’t always happen this way so you must carry patience into your new relationship.
Since we are talking about dating after divorce, it means you have been married before and you are probably used to things being done immediately by your partner but when it comes to a total stranger it is important to note that things will be different from the way it used to be.
5. Be Open-Minded
Do not have it all pre-planned in your head, remember times would have changed and dating is not going to be how it used to be; so, keep an open mind to things. Do not go on a date and expect things to be done your way.
Especially when it comes to the topic of discussion, be open-minded about the topics they bring up, when you are dating after divorce, most topics feel weird and awkward for you to talk about or bring up so you should even be happy and embrace it when the other person goes there.
It is also important to forgive your ex before you start dating after divorce, we do not know what might have transpired between the both of you that lead to the divorce, but we plead that you forgive him, this is because most times the hatred you have for him or her to their gender and this hinders you from having an open mind when you meet someone who has nothing but good intentions for you.
That being said, even as we urge you to keep an open mind, we will also say you should trust your inner voice. Sometimes your spirit tells you no, even if the person seems all perfect, when this happens, we suggest you find a reason to move away even when the person doesn’t give you one.
Chemistry is important, although it is not everything you need for this new relationship to work, you need chemistry and when it is not there, it is hard for anything to blossom.
6. Open Up About Yesterday
Honesty is as important as communication in any relationship, it is one thing to talk to someone about everything and another thing to make the conversation about bring yourselves closer to each other.
We say it like it is simple but opening up about yesterday is one of the hardest things to do especially in a situation like this when you would be dating after divorce. Everything becomes harder to say because you do not know what will be a deal-breaker for the other person but at the end of the day, they would find out anyway so you might as well be honest.
They should know what went wrong in your last relationship regardless of whose fault it was and also you can let them in on your fears and the reason why jumping into a relationship from the day they said hi was not a priority for you.
Dating after divorce a divorce comes with its fears and you must share these fears with your new partner and discuss how you can overcome them together because if you do not then it would keep staring at you regardless of how far you go with them and it would hinder you from reaching the summit with this new person.
7. Keep Your Standards Rock-Solid
Dating after divorce means you are dating after a period of soul searching. A time when you blame yourself for the time you wasted building something that ended up not working, you would have doubted you are worth loving and the norm is that you lower your standards and accept whatever or whoever life throws your way.
This is why we told you to learn how to love yourself again even before you consider dating again because if you begin to lower your standards and start dating someone, the chances it will not last become high.
This is because at some point the self-love you used to have will return and you will realize that this is not the man or woman you want. You only accepted them because you were tired, alone, and feeling worthless – to avoid having situations like this, it is important to keep your standards at the level they have always been.
8. Look Before You Cross The Road
Some of us will want to deny it but the truth is once the topic is dating after divorce, there is a high tendency that we become desperate for love fast. We have been married to someone, so getting used to someone not being there to give us love and affection takes time to sink in.
However, in your quest to find love again, it is important to look carefully before you cross any road. Most of us will turn to online dating as the best way to get back into the game since it is easier to get someone there – all you need to do is go through their photos and swipe right.
It is easy but it is also an unsafe way to meet people because of the increased amount of catfish accounts on the platforms. So, you should vet people before you agree to meet or give them any sensitive information about you.
9. Be Happy
Happiness is the key to a good life, a wise man once said that happy people attract the people they need into their life. So, if you are looking for love again, one that probably lasts forever, this time – we suggest you try being happy for a change.
Go out, go clubbing, party with your friends, remember you are now single, if you were not, we wouldn’t be talking about dating after divorce. Get a new hobby, go on that adventure trip you have been planning while you were married. Being happy makes it easy for you to forget about the past and focus on the possibilities that lie ahead.
10. Take It Seriously Only When You Are Sure
It is important to be more than sure before you decide to take things seriously this time. Date for a while and be sure he or she is for real before you introduce them to your kids and family.
It is important to know that you were not the only one that was hurt during your divorce, it will be wrong to bring your family and children into the picture when you are not even sure this person has intentions of staying with you till the end.
There are so many things to talk about when discussing dating after divorce but healing, being happy again, and trusting your guts are what summarizes the whole conversation.
We are sorry the love you felt was your forever story turned out to be one that had an expiring date but this doesn’t mean that love doesn’t exist in the world and it also doesn’t mean that you will not find love again. We are sure to love will find you again, all you have to do is apply these steps as you go out searching for your perfect match.
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