I started dating this one man when I was about 23. I just got a new job that was very demanding in every sense of it. My workload was crazy and began doing overtime to meet up, I loved my job and didn’t bother how demanding it was because it was my passion, I could do it effortlessly.
A year and six months later I got engaged to the love of my life I supposed. He proposed and I accepted because I thought that was what I was supposed to do anyway.
Due to the demanding nature of my job, I felt my man would understand. I showed up every time I could, I tried to compensate for my times of absence.
Whenever I had to travel, I booked tickets for two so while I was working weekends, he would be waiting for me back in the hotel room. This continued for a while as I grew from one managerial position to another, changing offices and my income was growing too.
About some month later, I began to think of settling down, I have been engaged for quite some time and as a woman, I felt it was time to solidify our union.
I had been so exhausted and so busy that there were things about my man that I just wasn’t seeing. I realized he was more into being passive, not so active.
He didn’t have a job even though he claimed to be into one business after another which I invested hugely. What got me is that everything nice we had acquired, was made possible through me.
After our wedding, I began paying rents, changing our cars, Taking care of his parents and mine also. At some point I wanted to walk away, the burden was too much.
I kept it away from my parents, I was determined to make us work. Then it dawned on me that I had made a mistake. I remember when we just started dating, we went to visit a friend of his, and on seeing me, his friend called me by another lady’s name. I felt it was a mistake.
Few days to our wedding also, this same friend told me not to get married to my man that he has a habit of living on women. His associate only wants me because of my money. I flew into a rage and rained abuses on him because I felt he was being jealous.
On the other hand, I was carried away by being addressed as “Mrs”. I wanted my own rules, my own life, my own family not taking into consideration my role or even the role of whoever I was going to end up with.
How many can I tell?
I remember asking my man to take me to his supposed place of business and he came up with some cock and bull stories of how he was duped and taken advantage of by fraudsters and because he didn’t want to hurt me due to my numerous investments, he decided to keep it to himself and try to recover on his own and also surprise me someday.
I couldn’t take it anymore, yet I stayed in, hoping he would change but it seemed to get worse by the day. One day, I told him it was over and I was leaving him for good, I sent him out of my apartment.
I also went to his mum and explained why I had to end it all. She tried to persuade me, I accepted but deep down within me, I knew I was done.
I called my man back, we made up and I gave him certain conditions and boundaries we were going to live by to ascertain he has changed. We were good for about 3 weeks until he mentioned a good business idea to me and I invested in it. That was the last I saw of him.
I was heartbroken, I wanted to die. At this point my health began to deteriorate, my family began to ask questions, I made excuses for him.
Somehow I waited for 3 years and there was no trace of him. Then I decided to move on. I dated several men to compensate for my loneliness as I never really wanted to get married again. My man almost ruined me.
It’s been 7 years now since he walked away and 3 years since my remarriage and I can say I’m happier than ever. it was a hard one but I’m grateful for the new beginning.
My new man is a man I’ve always liked from afar but I never took a good look at him, because I was taken over by my love for my ex. My new man has given love a different and new meaning.
What’s the difference here? The years I spent with my ex was the same number of years he spent preparing himself for marriage, reading up, investing in himself and it all culminated into taking a wise decision of getting married when he was sure he was ready for the responsibilities of marriage.
Relationships are hard work how much more marriage? This is an aspect of life I’ve seen people handle with kid’s gloves.
One minute they are in a relationship and the next they are married and before you realize it, they are divorced. Everything in life calls for preparation including marriage.
What sense does it make to prepare for the ceremony and not for the life after it? People get married for the wrong reasons, others hold back for seemingly wrong reasons. Many bow to pressure from society, family, or even friends. Others do too for economic reasons.
In today’s post, we will be exploring signs you should not get married, am I ready for marriage, and the ready for marriage checklist.
1. You Are Questioning Your Relationship
A piece of advice to keep close to your heart, if you’re questioning if a relationship is right and aren’t excited about getting married to your current partner, please don’t do it.
It’s one of the signs you should not get married, at least not just yet. You may be in love but just don’t feel like you should take the relationship to the next level.
When you find that special someone, you will know beyond every reasonable doubt that you are meant for each other.
There’s no trophy for getting married early or late in life. We think love is enough reason forgetting that relationships are in phases and when the candle of love goes out, it will take friendship to keep the boat going.
2. You Are Still Searching
One of the signs a man is ready for marriage is when he stops searching. Are you in a relationship and yet you find yourself still looking for someone better? It’s one of the vital signs you are not ready for marriage.
Does your mind still wonder at the thought of marriage or do you develop cold feet when the subject of commitment comes in? Some still feel there’s a better mate than the one they have presently.
The truth is this, even after marriage you will find a thousand and one people you should have gotten married to in the first place. There should be an air of confidence around you that you’ve got the best partner ever; if there isn’t, then it may be one of the signs you should not get married.
3. You Are Not Happy
What are your vitals saying? Are you happy being with this person? Is your relationship draining you? Do you feel like you are in bondage?
Are you investing much more than you are getting out of your relationship? Is the cost of keeping your relationship more than you can bear?
Is it taking you away from your family and social activities? If your answer to all of the questions above is yes, then you may need to have a rethink because marriage is not for you yet and they are all signs you should not get married.
4. Your Priorities Are Not In Place
One of the signs you should not get married is if your priorities are not in place. Many rejoice at the thought of marriage without being ready for it.
As a man, are you earning? Can you comfortably fend for yourself and still have leftovers? Have you discovered yourself, your goals, visions, and what you want to achieve? Do you have a picture of where you want to be in 5 years? What about your value system? What do you stand for?
For the woman also, are you a good homemaker and keeper? Are you earning too? (Of course, you read correctly). Have you developed yourself character-wise?
If your answer to all of the above is no, then marriage isn’t for you. The level of unpreparedness before marriage is one of the reasons for high divorce rates today.
So many assume responsibilities that are not theirs, others feel time will sort out their differences which never happens, only a few pull through and they end up learning the hard way. Get to a point of independence and you are good to go.
5. You Are Not Yet Highly Emotionally Intelligent
How emotionally intelligent are you? Are you easily irritated? Do you fly off the handle or go into a rage at the slightest provocation? Can you wholeheartedly satisfy the emotional needs of your partner?
This is one of the signs you should not get married. Marriage is about two people from two completely different backgrounds and upbringing coming together to live as one. There will be frictions and disagreements but how you handle those matters a lot.
Until you have mastered your skill of conflict resolution and you can ignore some flaws and not being too touchy, please don’t venture into the journey of marriage.
Remember, you cannot control the actions of people but you have power over your response. The way you respond will be the game-changer.
6. You Are A Perfectionist
A lady walked into my office a few weeks ago asking, Am I ready to get married? It led me into asking a series of questions and I found out she’s a perfectionist. She likes things being done her way, her decision has to always be final.
You see, in relationships, we will need to meet somewhere in the middle sometimes. We may have to give up our rights and compromise and shift grounds too for it to work.
This is part of the ready for marriage Checklist. Can you let go, so that you two can work? If you insist on having everything being done your way, you may be seen as a selfish and egoistic person and it may be one of the vital signs you should not get married just yet.
7. You Are Not In Your Man’s Future
One of the signs a man is ready for marriage is that he talks about it and features you in it. He talks about having kids with you. He talks good about the institution of marriage.
He talks about his roles and what he expects from his lady. He has plans and he is working towards them. He uses the word ‘we and us ‘than he uses ‘I’ or ‘me’.
So, if your man talks about his future without you in it then he’s not ready for marriage and you are not going to marry yourself. Or are you?
8. You Have Trust Issues
When you have issues trusting people and hardly give people the benefit of doubt, marriage will be hard. Situations will arise where your fidelity will be questioned, can you be trusted and can you trust and love your mate without a doubt in your heart?
This is one of the foundations of any marriage and anything short of blind trust unless broken is one of the signs you should not get married.
A relationship without trust means you are on a faulty foundation. Trust is the belief in your spouse’s integrity. Some have a hard time trusting their partners, this is so wrong, so ask yourself again, am I ready to get married?
9. You Are Being Pressured
Another sign you are not ready to get married is if you are being pressured to get married. The decision to get married is a personal one and involves you and your partner.
If you are been pressured into doing that, please take a back seat. It means you are not ready for it. You shouldn’t be pressurized and you shouldn’t succumb to it either.
When the time and partner come you will go into it fully satisfied that it was based on mutual consent between you and your partner and you will face the consequences of your actions. You won’t get into a blame trade. Ask yourself again, Am I ready to get married?
10. You Are A Cheat
Am I ready to get married? Is one of the questions that come to the mind of serial cheats who are still single? I advise that if as a single, you’re still in the dating world, sampling and still checking out babes and guys, then marriage isn’t for you and is one of the glaring signs you should not get married.
Some think of marriages as boring and a cell where they stay glued to one partner for life. If this is still your mindset, you have to evaluate yourself on the Am I ready to get married checklist.
Finally, commitment happens based on mutual comfort levels. You both agree as a couple and work towards it; it is not a one-sided thing. I end with an anonymous quote, would you rather get married and be happy or get married and become a philosopher? The choice is yours. Enjoy!
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