Sometimes your spouse says things to you that they don’t mean, but it hurts anyway because they are so unkind. Sometimes you say things to your spouse that hurt them, and you don’t even realize it, or you say something in anger that you regret when it leaves your mouth.
In these cases, the best thing you can do is apologize and make amends with your spouse, but since we all have bad days sometimes and tend to let our emotions get the better of us, here are 10 things you should never say to your spouse. You should never bring up certain subjects with your spouse, especially if you want to avoid arguments.
This index of 10 things you should never say to your spouse will help keep the peace in your relationship and avoid unnecessary conflict.
What should you never say to your spouse?
With so many things to say and ways we can express our emotions, it’s easy for words to get misconstrued, leading to an emotionally charged rather than emotionally supportive atmosphere. If you like your relationship with your spouse (and every other family member) to be successful and happy, you have to learn not to speak. Here are some of our favorite don’ts
1. Don’t talk about sex in front of your children: It may seem like a good idea at first—after all, they will eventually become sexually active themselves! But studies show that talking about sex in front of children is more likely to confuse them than give them a healthy understanding of sexuality.
2. Don’t ask your partner to help you through something when they are already dealing with their issues: Whether it’s a work-related problem or personal issue, asking someone else to deal with what they’re going through isn’t fair—especially if you know that person has their problems.
3. Don’t criticize your spouse: Even if you feel like they deserve it, criticizing your partner won’t make them any better. It could make them worse by creating feelings of shame and guilt—which aren’t helpful.
4. Don’t blame others for something that happened to you: While people often share blame during arguments, it doesn’t mean anything productive comes from doing so.
What are symptoms of disrespect in a relationship?
Many couples exhibit disrespect in one way or another. Some do it openly, like a husband who complains about his wife’s cooking or a wife who pokes fun at her husband’s passion for golf. Others may be more subtle and thus harder to recognize and control. For example, a couple might agree that they will not bring up specific topics because they lead to conflict.
Disrespect can also manifest itself through physical actions such as eye-rolling, sighing heavily, or walking away from your spouse when they are talking. If you feel you are treating your spouse with disrespect, ask yourself why.
Is it intentional? If so, what is causing you to act in such a manner?
Or are you simply unaware of how others perceive your words and actions?
Try asking your spouse how they feel when you do certain things.
10 Things You Should Never Say to Your Spouse
1. I am not usually the one that handles This
Communication is a two-way street, and you shouldn’t blame your spouse for everything that goes wrong in your relationship. If your partner needs to talk about something, they will find a way. Don’t make them feel like they can’t come to you with their problems—take some of that responsibility off their shoulders and put it on yours! Plus, communication is an essential part of any healthy relationship.
Take time to talk through issues before they become too big to handle; if you don’t, you could regret not addressing those problems when they were small enough to be easily fixed.
2. It doesn’t make sense
Whether you’re trying to sort out a family matter or debating an issue at work, listening and understanding what other people are saying is essential. One of the most critical phrases is: tell me more. Open-ended questions will tell you if your spouse understands what you’re trying to say; closed-ended questions may be accusatory and will likely prompt a defensive reaction.
Remember that even though you might think you know where someone else is coming from, the chances are good that there’s another side to every story. The best way to find out? Ask questions! It doesn’t create sense for us to go through all of that pain to have kids. We already have two kids—why do we need any more?
3. I’m too busy
We are all too busy, but that doesn’t mean we can’t carve out time for our marriage. Scheduling is key. Commit to a weekly date night, and stick with it no matter what else comes up. The vital thing is not how many hours you log together each week; instead, it’s making sure you stick with that regular time together so your relationship stays strong through everything life throws at you.
Plus, research shows couples who spend less than five hours per week together see their marriages fall apart faster than those who spend more time together. So do yourself (and your spouse) a favor: Log in those five hours—or whatever works best for you—and watch your bond grow more robust.
4. Stop being negative
Staying in a bad mood can affect your spouse more than you think. Negative words and thinking spread like wildfire, involving you and everyone around you. Start making a conscious effort to speak well of others, use positive words and stay out of negative conversations. Not only will your marriage improve because of it, but so will all other relationships in your life.
Be aware of what you’re saying—your mouth is one of your most powerful tools! Use it wisely.
5. No matter what I do, it will never be good enough for you
No matter what you do for your spouse, it will never be good enough for them. Trying to win approval from your spouse is a losing battle that will leave you feeling frustrated and unappreciated. If they loved you, they wouldn’t criticize everything you do. I’m doing my best: Even if you don’t think so, chances are your spouse believes that you can do better than whatever has made them angry with you.
When you respond to their anger by saying I’m doing my best, you imply that there isn’t anything more you could have done—and your spouse knows there is. Not only does saying I’m making my best sound like an excuse, but it also puts the responsibility on your spouse for not understanding how hard you work or how much effort you put into things.
6. Quit telling me how much better it used to be
Nothing can put a more significant damper on a relationship than constantly reminding your partner of how great things used to be. No one knows why, but it’s one of those weird human quirks that cause friction in relationships. If you like to let go of anger, resentment, and other negative emotions, stop telling your partner about how much better life was before entering your life!
Instead, take a step back and look at your current situation from an objective perspective; even if you don’t like what you see now, it could lead to valuable insights into how best to improve things.
7. Get over it already!
Whether it’s something your spouse did or didn’t do or a part of their personality that rubs you up wrong, it can be hard not to get annoyed with them. One thing that experts all agree on? Don’t criticize your spouse for their behavior – especially in front of others. A better way? Use I statements and ask questions instead of making assumptions about what they mean or how they feel.
For example, I felt hurt when I found out you said I was boring at dinner last night. Can we talk about it later? (Note: You are so dull! Why do you consistently have to talk about work?! I wish we could go out more!)
8. We tried that before, and it didn’t work. Give up.
While it is true that some things in life are futile and will not yield positive results, you should never give up. It bears a lot of courage and strength to try again after failing at something, but it also shows your spouse how much you care about them and what they need. Please do everything you can to ensure that whatever your spouse wants or needs gets done.
If you had tried something before and failed, don’t let failure stop you from trying again; do better next time! You shouldn’t feel that way.: When someone tells you how they think, tell them you understand their feelings and why they feel that way. Then show kindness by saying something like I know how hard it must be for you to feel like [insert feeling here].
I would probably react just like you if I were in your shoes. The key here is listening first, then showing empathy by saying something similar to what was said, so there is no confusion.
9. How many times do I have to tell you?
When your spouse repeatedly makes mistakes, it’s easy to snap at them. But remember that if you’re anything like my husband and me, you will be repeating yourself a lot over time! So please don’t get into a pattern of criticizing or scolding your spouse for doing something wrong; nicely remind them instead.
For example, Honey, I know we’ve talked about putting these dishes away before, but maybe we should have some baskets on these shelves so you can see what goes where? If they say they already know where things go, then let it go. But try to help them learn how to do things correctly by offering suggestions rather than criticism.
It may seem more straightforward to nag them into remembering, but trust me: It won’t work (, and it probably won’t make you feel good either). Instead, suggest new solutions and show love through actions (like making sure their favorite mug is always stocked with coffee).
Marriage is about both compromise and negotiation. We have to learn how to give a little bit when our partner needs it and learn how broadly we can get away with taking when we need it too. If you tell your spouse that they won’t understand because no one else thinks like that, you’re beginning down a path that leads to divorce court.
You might not always agree, but there’s no reason not to try and see things from your partner’s perspective. Everyone thinks differently; sometimes, what makes sense to you may be foreign to someone else. Don’t shut your spouse out by saying no one would feel like that! That person might be your spouse.
Some of my friends say I don’t love them anymore.: People change over time—that doesn’t mean they stop loving you.
Final Thought On 10 Things You Should Never Say to Your Spouse
In summary, there are many things you should never say to your spouse. But that’s okay! There are also many things you should say—and plenty of ways you can support and encourage your partner, even if it’s hard sometimes.
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