8 Must-do intimate habits to deeply integrate into couples. In 2000, psychologist John Gottman published the results of his study where he observed thousands of couples over the course of several years and found that just four habits could predict whether or not those couples would be happily married(1) or divorced.
In fact, Gottman claims he can predict with 94% accuracy whether couples will break up based on how they handle these four habits in the first few years of their marriage, even before they walk down the aisle! Here are 8 must-do intimate habits to deeply integrate into your relationships so you can avoid divorce and instead thrive in your relationship(2) happiness.
8 Must-Do Intimate Habits To Deeply Integrate Into Couples
The number one intimacy(3) habit for long-term couples is touch. The physical act of touching each other goes a long way toward improving your connection and deepening intimacy. Touch in healthy relationships doesn’t have to be anything special: your spouse can run their fingers through your hair, hold your hand while walking together, or give you a peck on the cheek when they get home from work.
However, it does need to happen regularly—at least several times per day. It’s during these small moments that we feel our partner’s presence and know that we are loved. Even if you don’t feel like kissing or holding hands right now, make sure that you are still doing it every day—it will make a huge difference over time! (Carson & Carson)
2. Tell Your Partner, I Love You.
People in long-term relationships often don’t take enough time to express their love to their partner. Take a few minutes every day to tell your partner how much you love them, or what you appreciate about them. With practice, telling your partner these intimate details(4) can become a habit that both of you can appreciate.
A 2000 study conducted by University of California researchers found that expressions of affection predict greater marital satisfaction and are an indicator of relationship quality and stability. The 2000 study surveyed 3,300 couples from around the country who had been married for an average of 15 years.
In addition to reporting more happiness with their marriages, participants who regularly expressed affection were also more likely to say they felt satisfied with life in general.
3. Uncover Their Love Language.
Many couples misunderstand each other because they speak different love languages(5). Without knowing what we want, it’s hard to receive and give with our partners. In order to integrate deeply, we need to understand what our love language is and what our partner’s love language is. The Five Love Languages are quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.
Take The 5 Love Languages Quiz here and learn more about your personal love language. Once you know your’s and your partner’s love language, you can begin integrating into a deeper level of your relationship. For example, if physical touch is your primary love language(6) then you may feel unfulfilled in a relationship where there isn’t much touching going on.
On the flip side, if quality time is your primary love language then you may feel like you never get enough one-on-one time with your significant other.
4. Ask Them To Tell You Yours.
It’s important to know what you think about—and what things you want to focus on—when it comes to intimate relationships. Some couples prioritize sex and physical intimacy, for example, while others place a higher premium on emotional(7) openness and individual development. The ultimate goal(8) is to create a blueprint of how you want your relationship with your partner(s) or spouse to look.
This isn’t always easy, but taking time out of your busy schedules is key to making it happen. And if you need help getting started, ask each other some questions(9) like What do we value most in our relationship? What are our core values as a couple? How do we want to grow together? What are our goals for our marriage/relationship? And so on…
These conversations(10) can be deeply personal, which means they can also be challenging. But they’re also incredibly rewarding—not just because they get you talking more deeply about your desires and priorities, but because they lead to actionable steps that will deepen your connection with one another.
5. Express Gratitude Every Day.
Gratitude is associated with higher levels of energy, optimism, and better sleep. The feeling of gratitude and appreciation(11) also triggers the release of dopamine—the hormone of motivation.
There are many ways to express gratitude every day: writing notes to people who’ve helped you, making a donation in someone else’s name, or having regular date nights where you thank each other for what you appreciate about your partner. A simple way to do it is by keeping a daily list of things that make you grateful.
As an added bonus, studies show that expressing gratitude can help improve relationships. One study found that couples who spent just three minutes per day expressing gratitude were more satisfied with their relationship than those who didn’t. So keep a journal and write down one thing you feel grateful for each night before bed!
6. Have A Weekly Date Night.
It’s easy to think of our busy schedules as barriers to romance. With two jobs, kids, and who knows what else in addition to that dating can be like trying to fit an extra workout into a jam-packed day. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Create some space in your schedule for a weekly date night and use it as an opportunity not only to reconnect with your partner but also to build intimacy(12).
In fact, according to research from The Gottman Institute, a regular time for intimate conversation is one of the top predictors of long-term relationship success. So make plans! And stick to them. A little planning goes a long way. If you need help coming up with ideas, try these tips for new things to do together.
You might even want to turn off your phones or put them on silent during dinner so you can focus on each other and avoid any distractions (it works!). Whatever happens, don’t let life get in the way of your love life—or if it does, work hard at making sure those things don’t ruin your relationship. Instead, see them as opportunities to connect.
That’s where true happiness lies. After all, marriage is about loving another person unconditionally—not having someone around when we don’t feel like being alone.
7. Set Boundaries And Never Argue In Front Of The Kids.
One of the biggest regrets couples have later in life is that they didn’t put enough effort into saving their marriage. If you’re having trouble making it work with your partner, never argue in front of your kids. Kids are sponges who pick up on everything and will internalize it all if their parents keep arguing in front of them.
Instead, schedule a time to talk when you can hash things out without upsetting anyone else. And remember: When things get tough between you and your spouse, try to think about what kind of example you want to set for your children as opposed to focusing on yourself or what’s best for just one person.
The decision is yours alone to make, but being a positive role model for your kids has long-lasting effects. Your children will grow up seeing you fight through difficulties and emerge as better people because of it. This won’t happen overnight, but it can happen if you remain committed to working at it every day.
As difficult as love might be sometimes, our greatest satisfaction comes from being able to share the love with others—and finding someone who loves us back equally makes life worth living.
8. Take Ownership Of Each Other’s Goals.
If you’re in a relationship, it can be helpful to identify each other’s big goals for life and then take ownership of those goals individually. Let your partner know that you support his or her personal ambitions and want to help make them happen. If your partner has a goal, offer concrete ways that you can help bring that dream into reality (when possible).
If he or she is willing to do the same for you, your relationship will be deeply integrated! It takes two to tango, so don’t let your significant other off easy here. A truly successful partnership involves both parties taking steps toward helping each other achieve their deepest desires.
It also means being willing to let go of expectations and desires when they conflict with your partner’s path; after all, love isn’t about being selfish—it’s about uniting with another person in a mutually beneficial way. Take responsibility for making sure your needs are met: We often spend more time worrying about our partners than we do thinking about how we can meet our own needs.
If you want a thriving relationship, however, there must be room made for self-care as well as caretaking. Take some time to identify what makes you happy outside of your partner and learn how to meet those needs without expecting anything in return.
There are a lot of answers to the question of 8 Must-Do Intimate Habits To Deeply Integrate Into Couples. That’s been said, what brings it all together is understanding your partner and what he wants.
This understanding will help you in deciding which of the ways to follow on this journey to keep your man happy in your relationship, these 8 Must-Do Intimate Habits To Deeply Integrate Into Couples will definitely work so give it a try and come back comment.
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